To the 150 year old guy who was joggin' down the street behind my house in a pair of Speedos...
Please, please, please, put on some shorts. I know you're proud of the fact that you're 150 years old, and hung like a horse (OMG!!!), but really, we don't need to see that. I'm sorry, but your bits do not bounce around in an appealing sort of way, and sweet young things (to you, that is) like me aren't the least bit... attracted... when you turn, wave, whistle, and say, "Hey, babe, how ya doin'?"
I felt like I should have gotten a big stick and started beatin' him down for prizes, you know what I mean??
And to the lovely lady (I'm bein' REAL sarcastic here) who just HAD to walk her darling Poochie-Poo on the walking track, that is for PEOPLE ONLY...
If you're going to do that, then pick up Poochi-Poo's business. I don't wanna step in it, and nobody else on the track does, either. And you know, most of those folks will get right in your face and tell you and your walking dust mop where to get off. I was nice. I stopped by my car and got a trash bag for you, and no, I wasn't gonna pick it up. It's YOUR dog's shit, YOU pick it up. If you don't want dog shit in YOUR yard, then... don't have a dog!! When you have a dog, or a cat, or any pet animal, shit happens. They do not come with self disposals. It's their human's job to pick it up and dispose of it properly. I can tell you were once a mom, you changed your kids' diapers, poop is poop, GET OVER IT!!
And to the teenaged boy who nearly nailed me with his truck as he turned into the parking lot, talking on the phone while the stereo was cranked up ALL THE WAY...
I know your mother, son. Enjoy that phone while it lasts, because by the time you get home, it's gone, baby. You're lucky I'm agile and move fast, and that you DIDN'T hit MY parked car, and the car next to it as you swerved into, and took up, two empty spots. Grinning at me and saying, "Yo, my bad," doesn't cut it. And the truly sad thing is, the school district thinks you're a good example to the other kids, and they're trying to get all the other kids to look like you with their cookie-cutter dress code. Too bad the packaging looks nice, but the contents suck.
Give me a Goth kid any day!
Okay, rant over. That just... just... chaps my hide when stuff like this happens before my day is good started!!!
*snarls, and goes to look for chocolate*