I think they do it overnight....

Well, after weeks of eating virtually everything in sight, the Impertinent Daughter had a growth spurt and is probably within one to two inches of being as tall as I am.

It hit me when I was watching her referee a game, and she had turned sideways to me. I thought, "Hmmm, the little pudge she was getting seems to be gone..." And I frowned and realized she hadn't eaten like a ravening, starving wolf the last couple of days, and I thought, "Ah... growth spurt." But it didn't sink in until later that afternoon, when we'd gone into San Marcos to get her some new athletic shoes. She was standing there in her socks, and I had just straightened up from listening to something the Impossible Son wanted to tell me and it hit me...

We were almost eye to eye.

The Husbandly One turned at my gasp, and his eyes went wide and he said, "Auntie, take off your shoes."

So I did.

And it was even more apparent.

*shrieks*

And the Impossible Son has had his own growth spurt. His legs are impossibly long right now, and his shorts are far too short all of a sudden. His feet look too big, and he's clumsy. I think he's about to grow again, and I can't help but think, "But, we just bought you three new pairs of jeans!!!"

My kids are both going to be taller than me. And possibly taller than THO, as well.

*sigh*

Because being crafty comes in handy...

Well, so much for getting to bed early last night.

The Impertinent Daughter informed me at 8 p.m. last night that the Death Eaters administrators at her school decided that students were no longer allowed to be in possession of... rubber bands. Yes, that's right, folks, the kids are no longer allowed to have those extremely dangerous implements, rubber bands in their pockets, on their binders, in their hair, etc. Because they can use these extremely hazardous items to... launch paper.

*closes eyes, sighs, muttering "Ay-yi-yi" under her breath*

Give me strength, I swear. I'm wondering how many girls who wear ponytails on a regular basis are freaking out this morning because they can't put their hair up?

The reason this impacts us is because of the boxes I chose for my kids' bentos. They are temporary, but for now, they are the right size and depth. Only problem is, they have a tendency to pop open when a kid does something like swing them around, bump them into other kids, or walls, or tables, etc., with the end result of food everywhere. So... I just salvaged the big rubber bands that came with our newspaper and wrapped them around each end of the box... and problem solved.

Until now.

I offered to take some extra wide elastic and sew the ends together for her to replace the rubber bands.

No, that won't work, they still count as "rubber bands."

I said, "Okay, how about I get some fabric and make tubes to cover the elastic, you know, whip the ends together and you can use those? If they fuss, you can say they're headbands and pop one on to prove it!"

"Mom... we can't have headbands, either."

Because... they can be used to... launch paper.

My goodness, I had no idea paper was so... DANGEROUS!!

I brainstormed for a bit, then said, "Okay, fine, I've got some fabric, I'll make a bag."

The Husbandly One said, "That will take too much effort, and you don't have enough time. Besides, your sewing machine is broken, right?"

Well, the bobbin case is... acting up. Driving me nuts, actually. I need to replace it, but you know, at that time of night, it wasn't going to happen. Well, I went to work on my sewing machine, fixed the problem with the thread tension, got the bobbin case to stay put, and dug out the fabric, a roll of parchment, and my sewing box, and got to work.

Yes, I had to make a pattern. And I was up until nearly 2 a.m. working on it, because the bobbin case kept popping out every time the bobbin got too light (too little thread on it), because the handles I was making for the bag didn't turn out right, and I had to figure out how to re-do them, because one of the cats dumped out the entire contents of my sewing box on the floor (I'm still not sure I retrieved it all) and because I had to hand-sew one side of the bag.

But I did it. And I'll have a photo of it later on this afternoon. I would have taken a photo this morning, but the Husbandly One did not inform me he was having to leave early until ten minutes before he was going to leave, and that left me with no time for picture taking at all.

I will say it is not beautiful, or the most attractive bag I've ever made... but it's functional, and when the Impertinent Daughter saw it this morning, rather than being horrified by it, as I was fearing, she was delighted and immediately started drawing on it. She's very proud of it and happy with it, and I am relieved and wish I could very much go back to bed for a few hours BUT...

Miss Priss has a UIL Choir performance this afternoon AND a soccer game immediately after, and it's an away game. And I still have errands to run.

Caffeine... I must ingest mass quantities of caffeine today.

Oh, and I have a battle wound from sewing last night. I sewed my finger. Ouchies!! Next time, I shall be sure to keep my fingers far, far away from the needle!!

*goes in search of caffeine*

Your Weekend Soccer Report...

Well, first off, the Impertinent Daughter. I'll cut to the chase. They lost, 6-3, and part of it was just... poor coaching.

And there are 22 girls on the team.

Oh, did I mention the girls don't have their own uniforms, necessarily. They have hand-me-down uniforms... from the boy's high school VARSITY team. Yes, my friends, the school district can afford to lay new sod at the high school football field, they can afford to landscape the high school, and they can afford other things I won't mention here (but they piss me off BIG TIME)...

... but they can't spring for new uniforms that FIT for the junior high (or the high school) girl's soccer teams.

When I was washing the Impertinent Daughter's socks (the uniforms stay at school and are washed there), I discovered they were two different sizes! And they had holes. No wonder her socks kept falling down!!!

No, I am not a happy soccer mom.

Anyhow, the Impertinent One got about eight minutes of playing time. There are so many girls on the team, the coach tries to rotate them so they all get to play. And no, I'm not sharing my opinion of that. Suffice it to say, 22 girls on the 7th grade team, 28 on the 8th grade team, and they play 11 v 11. You do the math.

So... here is the Impertinent Daughter from her game last Thursday...



Miss Priss is the gallant number 5, rushing in as back up for her team mate.

All's I can say is... she had a good game for the 8 minutes she played.

*is hoping the next one will be better*

So, the Impossible Son's game was on Saturday, and they lost, too, 5 to 1. He played forward the first half, and goalie the second half, and he really surprised me. He was fierce and only gave up one goal! The Blue Dragons played hard, but the other team had a kid who probably should have moved up to U10 this season. What was good was watching the Dragons finally catching on to what the Husbandly One has been telling them since practices began. It's so cool when that happens, you can practically see their brains smoking when it clicks. "Oh, this is why coach keeps telling us not to clump up in one area and to keep spread out!!" and, "Oh, this is why he keeps telling us to dribble the ball down the sides and not down the middle!!"

So, the next few games should get progressively better and better! It was so cool!!

And here is the Impossible One, doing his job...



Can't you just see him thinking, "It's MINE!! The ball is MINE, MINE, MINE!!"

I told him to pretend the kids from the other team were clones of his sister, and the ball was his favorite nerf gun, and she was coming to get it from him.

Would you say it worked like a charm?

*merry laughter*

"Because when I arrive, I bring the fire..."

The Impertinent Daughter has her first soccer game today. Her first game playing for her school, that is.

Remember how I said there were about 33 girls trying out for the 7th grade and 8th grade teams? Well... no one's been cut... yet. I think the coaches want to see how they do in this first game, and then decide.

*massive roll of eyes*

Miss Priss is going to play fullback and... middle sweeper?? I think that's the term her coach used. Oh, and forward. Her friend, B, is going to be goalie, which is a good thing, because while B may be the poster child for Stereotyping Blondes, she's a wickedly brilliant goalie. She's tall (meaning taller than me), thin, with excessively long legs that tend to fold up on her unexpectedly. She's very fast, can run forever, and you'd think she'd make an excellent forward or striker, because she's very focused and aggressive (on the field), but... there's the legs-folding-up thing. So, she's a goalie, and I have to say, in watching her play over the last four years, I've watched her do things she should not have been able to do.

Anyhow, this game should be interesting, simply because there's going to be about 16 girls sitting on the bench, and I think they play 11 v 11. Miss Priss said, "It's going to be weird, having subs." Because usually, playing in the rec leagues, we don't have enough kids on a team for more than one or two substitutes. She's gotten used to playing an entire game without a break.

Oh, and did I mention, she has to stay after school? They're not allowed to come home and eat and get ready, etc. They have to hang around at the school until the game starts at 5:30!! Meaning... they'll not have eaten since lunch. And no, the school is not going to provide a snack.

I should have realized, since the junior high is stupid about so many other things, that they'd be stupid about this, too. Apparently, they think the kids are going to either forget about the game and not come, do something vile to their uniforms in the interval between the end of classes, and arrival at the school for the game, eat something totally unsuitable and vomit during the game, or... hell if I know!!!

So, I packed a snack bento for Miss Priss along with her lunch bento. And if the coaches complain, they will bring the Wrath of Auntie down upon them. Because how the hell they expect the girls to play two 30 minute halves on NO FOOD since 11 a. m., I don't know. No wait... two 45 minute halves.

Sorry, I had to pause and let my blood pressure go down.

There are at least six girls on Miss Priss' team who have been in the rec league, that she's played on a team with at some time or other. I think I'll get together with their parents and see if they would like to approach the coaches with a "What the hell do you think you're doing??" argument, but phrased much more politely, and see if we can't rectify the situation. You know, along the lines of, "Do you want us to rotate and bring team snacks for the girls to eat before the game or during half-time? You see, we're pretty used to doing that, anyway, because our kids have been playing soccer for a long time..." yada, yada, yada.

Otherwise, I don't see how we can keep them from crashing, if you know what I mean! Otherwise, I'm going to find myself sneaking Miss Priss a Hershey bar or something to keep her charged.

*rolls eyes*

Oh, and yesterday's prank on THO was a huge success!! I waited until after I was sure he was at work, and I called him. He said he had set his phone on his desk, and when he heard it, he looked around, thinking, "Whose phone is that?"

One of his co-workers said, "THO, I think that's your phone."

He said, "No, it's not. Mine has a kind of samba ring-tone."

Another co-worker said, "No, dude, that's your phone."

He said, "Can't be. Where's that coming from?"

They said, "That's your phone!!"

He said, "Holy cow, that is my phone!" and answered it, but it had gone to voice mail at that point. He saw it was me and called me back, and I was laughing so hard when I answered it that he knew who had done it.

*dies again*

Then... as I said, I'd emailed friends and family to call him, and his phone rang all day long!!

I have to say, this is the best April Fool's Day prank I've ever pulled on him!!

Of course, he said, "Vengeance is a dish best served cold."

*dies laughing again*

We'll just see about that!!

Hee Hee Hee!!

Y'all... I am SOOOOO evil!!

Last night, I put a ringtone on the Husbandly One's phone that says in a very swishy man's voice, "Pimp... pimp phone... ringing pimp phone... pimp phone ringing," over and over again and all without him knowing it. And oh, wasn't it hard for me to keep a straight face, or to keep from cackling with glee last night?

Anyway, in a little bit, I'm going to email friends and family to call him periodically throughout the day so it pops out with that ringtone constantly. Because... he doesn't know how to change it.

BWAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

ROFLMAO!!!

Hoo, hoo, hoo... oh, I am evil!!!

Happy April Fool's Day, y'all!!!