Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Hearing Glitch Strikes Again!!

So, I was making cinnamon toast for the kids, and the Impossible Son dances into the kitchen.

"Mama! Mama! Mama! On TV, it said, steers... come back... alive!" he says in dramatically appropriate tones.

I blinked. "Um... what was that? And look into my face so I can read your lips, sweetie."

His face screwed up with concentration, he said, very carefully, "Steers... come back... alive!"

Er... what??? Is this some sort of... cartoon horror movie, involving cows? Maybe like that killer psycho sheep movie from New Zealand? "One more time, Mr. Manzie?"

"Sleers... gumback... lanai!!!"

Still not getting it.

At this point, the Impertinent Daughter walks in and says, "No, no, no, it was 'Sears... don't just come back... arrive!' Get it right, dork!"

I blinked again, and the Impossible Son laughed and said, "Yeah! That's what I said!"


When he had danced back into the living room, Miss Priss turned to me and said, "What did you think he said?" Then died laughing when I told her.

"What was he actually saying?" I asked, dying of curiosity.

"Sears! Come back! Arrive!"


And before anyone asks, I have asked about hearing aids. They won't help me hear better, because I actually hear just fine. All they would do is help me misunderstand you... louder.

I'm still contemplating a horror movie about zombie castrated bulls.

*merry laughter*

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Ahhhhhh.... better now...

The Husbandly One is a wise, wise man.

I was washing dishes when he came home. He walked in, fended off the kids, came straight into the kitchen, grabbed a paper plate (a wise move when your wife is washing dishes), hunched over a mysterious box he'd set on the counter, then came up behind me and wafted the most perfect, mouth-watering slice of chocolate cheesecake under my nose.

And helped me eat it, because there is no way I can finish a slice of chocolate cheesecake by myself without my brain exploding from migraine.

I am in a much, MUCH better mood now.

I know some of you will laugh, but chocolate is my sole addiction, and when I crave it, that's it. I have to have it. I was getting to the "put the chocolate down and nobody'll get hurt" stage.

*sighs happily*

I love, I love that man o' mine!

Chocolate. NOW!!!!

My kids are driving me bananas.

Yesterday, they were arguing over who got to use the vacuum cleaner while cleaning the living room, and who had to clean under the big couch and who had to clean under the little couch (this involved crawling under said couches and pulling out the items that had disappeared under there. I am sure we will find Jimmy Hoffa at some point).

Yes. They were arguing over CLEANING.

*tears out hair*

Lest you think this is every mom's dream, let me say not much cleaning actually got done, and both miscreants got sent to their rooms, their computers turned OFF and their Nintendos in my pocket.

Today, it's constant arguing, and fussing, and I need chocolate in the worst way. As in enough to put me in a coma for the next two weeks, so when I wake up it's a whole new world. Preferably the day before school starts.

Think it's too late for me to sign them up for a military boarding school?

*grumbling and snarling*


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Little did I know...

A bit of green

This photo, which I took during our trip to Washington, is my desktop right now, and the Impertinent Daughter was gazing at it and said, "Wow, Mom, you took a picture of Hogwarts."

"I did?" I said, looking up from my reading.

"See?" and she pointed to the buildings on the right. "That's Hogwarts Castle."

"Okay," I said, squinting.

"And that tree there... is the Whomping Willow."

"I see."

"And those purple plants are... poisonous or something..."

"If you get too close to them," I said, getting into the game with her, "they belch out clouds of purple pollen which make you gag and throw up."

"Right," she said eagerly. "And they're there to protect those... big green bushy things..."

"Professor Sprout's valuable Flutterby Bushes, which have to be grown outside," I said, trying not to laugh.

"Yeah!" she said enthusiastically. "And those little bird houses are for the Golden Snidgets, which eat the pests who like to eat the Flutterby's flowers, and the purple plants protect them both! Because the Snidget is endangered!"

And I had no idea!! Imagine that!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Caught in the Act...

Okay, so... the Husbandly One came home from work early today, because tomorrow (July 4th), is a national holiday.

THO coming home early always gets Jo randy.

The kids and I were watching our DVD of "The Incredibles", and he sat down to join us, and we watched, and chatted, and as soon as it was over, I decided to go to the bedroom to check email and decide what to do with my er... extra energy until such time as the kids were, say, playing at a neighbors, or... otherwise occupied.

After a while, THO came into the bedroom to chat, and I was showing him some funny things I had found, and we were talking, and he laid back on the bed to "rest" his eyes, and I suddenly realized... the kids were occupied. Miss Priss was in her room, drawing while listening to music, while the Impossible Son was playing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on his computer.

And I couldn't stand it anymore. About this point, THO sat up and started asking me about a party we are going to tomorrow, that I am expected to bake an apple pie for, and what kind of apples did I need, and suddenly found himself with a lapful of very amorous, very demanding wife.

It was wonderful!!!

I pushed him down on the bed, latched onto his mouth, kissing, we were rubbing most enthusiastically together, I could feel how much he was enjoying this, and somewhere in my lust-fogged brain, I was thinking, maybe we should close the door... when I heard it.


The sound of velcro.

Neither of us was wearing velcro.

We both froze and slowly turned our heads to see the Impossible Son standing by THO's closet, dressed in his Dash Impossible costume, both hands clamped firmly over his eyes. You could practically HEAR him screaming frantically inside his head, "Must bleach brain! Must bleach brain!!"

For one wild nano-second, I was horrified. Then my sense of the ridiculous hit me, and I burst out into hearty laughter, followed by the Husbandly One, and we rolled apart on the bed in tears, gripping our sides, because really, Mr. Manzie's expression when he peeked out tentatively from between his fingers was... hilarious, a perfect mix of oh-no-are-they-still-doing-it?, curiosity, and disgust. You know, like, "Ew, blech,kissing!!"

"Are you done now?" he said in a resigned voice.

That sent us right back into helpless laughter.

"What were you guys doing anyway?" he asked, walking slowly to the bed. "Kissing??"

"Yes," said THO. "It's something grownups do when they love each other, and they're feeling happy and silly."

"Yes," I said, trying not to fall apart again. "Very silly. It's for growing closer."

"Oh!" he said, nodding wisely. "Growing closer is good."

"Yes, very good!" THO said, and Mr. Manzie was completely happy with that.

Next time Jo is feeling amorous and randy, however, she will remember to close and lock the door!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A Welcome Break...

It's Raining, It's Pouring

It's raining, it's pouring,
The old Bear is snoring,
He rubbed his shoulder
On a great, big boulder
And wouldn't get up in the morning...