Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ground - 1, Jo - 0

So... Saturday, the Impossible Son's U12 team had a game in Temple, which is about a two hour drive from here, and it was a very frustrating endeavor, for many reasons. Mostly because we only had 6 players, and we play 8 v 8. Most of our players didn't come because their parents decided it was "too far" and just... didn't want to go.


Okay, so don't even get me started on that or we will be here all day while Auntie vents her spleen about idiotic soccer parents who plonk down money for their kids to play soccer... and then freak out because they have to actually go outside their comfort zone so their kid can play soccer.

Yeah, I don't get it, either.

Anyhow, the fields in Temple were extensive, and when we finally found our team, we were walking across ground that had been affected by the last bout of rains we'd gotten about a week and a half ago. I had just looked down and said, "Oh, hey, there are holes here! Better be careful, I don't want to find one the hard waaAAAAAY!!" and down I went.


My left ankle turned outward and actually bent so that the outside of my foot was flat to the ground, and the next thing I knew, the ground was rushing up to hit me and slammed my right knee straight down onto hard-packed soil. Right on my kneecap.

It hurt so bad, I almost threw up right then and there.

Managed to roll onto my butt and snarled, "Don't touch me! Just don't touch me!" at all the hands waving in my face. The Husbandly One was right there with me, most likely wanting to snatch me right back up, but I couldn't bear anyone touching me until I could get a handle on the pain. And you know, my right knee is my bad knee. In fact, when I pulled my capris up to look at the damage, I was half terrified I'd see my kneecap on my shin, like I did all those years ago in boot camp.

Oh, so don't want to remember that!!

Fortunately, my kneecap was right where it belonged, I had just scraped my knee to hell and gone, and knocked loose all the calcium and other crap collected on the back of the kneecap so that it felt like my knee was full of gravel.

Thank goodness I hadn't worn shorts, like I originally intended!! Or it would have been even more of a bloody mess than it was. Eeyuck!

Of course, it feels like I have a rock inside my knee now, but I'm not limping any more. Stairs are a problem, though, and this means my weekly battle with the Laundry Monster is going to be iffy. Oh well. We don't need towels and clothes, right?

Is it wrong for me to be ready for this year to be over already?


Friday, April 13, 2012

Because she's amazing...

So, the Impertinent Daughter is taking art at the high school, and I have to say, I really, really like her art teacher. She's always challenging the Impertinent One, and I have seen some really stunning art coming out of that class, I have to say!

Over the last few weeks, they've been working on a self portrait, and while Miss Priss started out with the usual self portrait, the teacher felt she should try something different, to not be so literal.

And I have to say, the Impertinent Daughter rose to the challenge and... pretty much surpassed it, if you ask me!

Impertinent Self Portrait

Just in case you can't tell, she drew herself as being made out of paint brushes, and the background is tubes of acrylic paints. The actual drawing is much bigger, but our scanner can only get so much of it.

She is constantly stunning and amazing me. Goes without saying that I am amazingly proud of her, doesn't it?

It's a constant wonder for me to look at her and remember her as a two year old, lying on her stomach on the floor, fat crayon gripped firmly in her grubby little fist, drawing on a huge 18"x 24" artist's pad of paper, doing her best to imitate the dogs, cats, horses, and cows I was drawing for her. Sometimes, I still see that toddler. And other times, she just blows me away.

Kid, consider your mother's mind blown!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Weirdest. Morning. EVER.

You know, I haven't posted a Weird Animal Story in a while, mainly because the Killer Psycho Mockingbirds have been relatively quiet. So... I guess we were kind of overdue.

So... this morning. We troop out of the house so I can take the kids to school, and as we get to the car, I pause. Why? Because there's this huge BUZZARD, also known as a turkey vulture in the street behind my car. Just sort of... hanging out. You know. "Doopty doo, doopty doo, nothing to worry about folks, hyuk, just doin' mah buzzard thang heere, heh... don't mind me, now, y'all just... pretend I'm not here!"


And he won't move. Usually, buzzards don't like being approached, and will take off if you get too close. Not this one. I figured whatever it was that was dead, it must be really, er... tasty. Or something. Problem was, I couldn't smell anything dead nearby, and didn't see anything, either. So, I herded the kids into the car and had to back up creatively so I didn't end up with a big ol' turkey buzzard stuck to my rear bumper. And it was as I was pulling out that I realized what had attracted Mr. Buzzard.

Our neighbors had this... this... HUGE FISH lying in their front yard against the mutual hedge between our properties. I swear the thing must have been six feet long!! NO WONDER Mr. Buzzard was so determined to stick around, I mean, he must have thought he'd hit the Mother Lode of Dead Crap!!

Okay, so... the kids were freaking out, and laughing hysterically, and kept looking back to see if he'd approached the Big Dead Fish yet the whole way up the street.

The Impossible Son looked back as we turned and said, "He's going for it!"

So... we get to the Impossible Son's school, and there is a truck in front of us that has a... tiny deer sitting on the hitch. No, seriously. A tiny little deer, sitting cross-legged on the hitch with one of it's forelegs up in the air, like it's saying, "Hi there!!"

The Impertinent One said, "Oh, I wonder if it's like the cow Papa and I saw on a truck once! When they hit the turn signal, the cow's eyes glowed red and the legs went up and down!"

"Yaaaaagh!" I said. "That sounds creepy!! And distracting!!"

The truck didn't turn, so the kids were disappointed. However, after I dropped the Impossible Son off, and then went to drop Miss Impertinent off at the high school, the truck appeared again, turning out of the driveway of one of the schools I pass on the way home, and there was the tiny deer again. This time, the truck turned, and THE DEER WAVED AT ME AND KICKED ONE LEG UP AND DOWN!!


I almost had a car accident, I was so... mesmerized...

So, when I got home, Mr. Turkey Buzzard was pecking half-heartedly at the Big Dead Fish, and I could swear he was saying, "WTF is this shit??" I peeked around the hedge and realized his problem right away.

It was a TAXIDERMIED Big Dead Fish!! In fact, it had lost most of its scales at some point, and there was fiber sticking out from where it had split at the top, and oh, the reek!!! Evidently, the bushes sort of protected us from it.

Mr. Buzzard gave this indignant squawk and sort of hop-flapped away before taking off for something less well-preserved. I mean, seriously, it's pretty bad when you manage to disgust a BUZZARD.

Four months in...

Is it just me, or is 2012 so far just... full of suck?

And we still have eight more months to go.


Bloody marvelous, that.