Because cats, they love the technology, too...

Why, yes, I DID allow my cat to play on my iPad mini... why do you ask???

"Don't stop, tick-tock, sun blows up today..."

Today is officially the start of my kids' summer vacation, since school let out Friday, and... apparently weekends don't count.  At least that's what I've been told.  Repeatedly.

Of course, they're still passed out, and I'm up, because I'm still in "gotta get up and make the lunches and take the kids to school," mode.  And because I know this is the only quiet time I will get today.  Now, a responsible mom would have rousted the younguns out of bed by now and had a variety of projects for them to do, but we already know that's not me, right?

Besides, after the tough year they've both had, they deserve it.  At least for today.

When they were younger, I used to look at summer break with a mix of "Yay vacation!" and "Nooooo... I'll be home alone with them... all day long!!!"  Which I know is probably not an attitude I'm officially supposed to take.  Officially, as a stay-at-home mom, I'm supposed to be all, "Oh, I'm so glad to have them home with me where I can nurture their little hearts and minds and be a mom!!"

Yeah... not so much.  Because you have to understand, I'm essentially raising Calvin and Hobbes.  And those roles are interchangeable, too.  Or you could say I'm raising John Sheppard and Rodney McKay.  Kirk and Spock.  Basically, think of any extremely bright, prone to getting into either excessive trouble or excessive mischief duo you can think of... and that's my kids.  My kids are extremely intelligent, very inventive, and attract trouble like a magnet.  I am barely one step ahead of them, and that margin gets smaller and smaller every day.  Thinking of things to keep the Dynamic Duo occupied, engaged, and happy is a bigger and bigger challenge every single year.  It's crazy.  And I have alternately loved and dreaded it for years.

However, in the last two years, I have met the advent of summer break with a huge sense of relief, especially on the Impossible Son's behalf.  We live in a small town, with a small school district, and good teachers are far and few between.  Inspiring teachers are even rarer.  And while the district has a strict policy about bullying... it isn't consistently enforced, if it is enforced at all.  Only when it's something drastic, or so big that it can't be hidden easily.  Like last year, with the kid who physically attacked my son.  Had he only shoved the Impossible Son, or called him names, the administration of the elementary school he went to last year would have made conciliatory noises at me and promised to "deal" with the boy, talk to him, etc, etc.  But because it was a big issue, where the police had to be called, and because the Husbandly One and I threatened legal action, especially when it was shown that the principal dropped the ball when it came to informing us, AND because there was a threat to younger, smaller children, the bully was isolated from the rest of the school population for about three months and counseled within an inch of his life.  Plus, the principal "retired" shortly after that.

His first year of junior high was a mixed bag.  Great, because he was in band and discovered a whole new group of friends and hey, new school!  And sucky because there's only one junior high in town, and five elementary schools' worth of kids are going there, so... not only are there new friends, but... the old bullies are there, too.  And they didn't wait too long to start in.

Not only that, but he had a teacher bullying him, too.  And when I switched him out of  that class, he waited until the last three weeks of school to tell me that his bullies were in the new class.  So they were in his first, second, and fourth period classes.  Fourth period was gym.

*sigh*

And... the Impossible Son also learned the social implications of hanging out with the Wrong People.   Hanging out with the kids who always got in trouble, who back-talked the teachers, who harassed other kids, meant that when he was being harassed and he appealed for help from the teachers, they weren't as willing to listen to him.  And tended to look the other way.  It also meant that when he found kids whom he shared interests with, kids who liked the same books he did, or read manga, too, they weren't as willing to talk to him because... he hung out with the kids who harassed them for reading or being smart.  And they were afraid of being played.

He also found out what happens when he hangs out with a kid who rubs Mom the wrong way.

Yeesh, that was a tough one!  I don't often go off on a kid, but every once in a great while, one of my kids' friends will send out vibes that grate on my nerves like coarse sand on sunburned skin, and I'll balk at letting them hang out.  And I'm always vindicated later on.  And no, I don't say, "Told you so!" or "I was right!"  I usually hug them and say, "I'm sorry."

Then there's the math issue.  Dear gods, if there is ONE thing about this district that makes me absolutely furious, it is the absolutely SUCK-TASTIC quality of the math education here.  Seriously.  They have absolutely no clue how to teach math here.    Can anyone explain to me how it is possible for my daughter to make 98's, 97's, and 95's in Pre-AP Physics... and 50's, 60's, and 70's in AP Pre-Calculus??  They're using the same math!!!  That's why they're taking them together!!

By the way, the reason she didn't fail completely (she passed with a 78) was because of the math she learned in Physics class.  I kept trying to the Impertinent One into asking Uber-Awesome Physics teacher for help, but she didn't want to overburden him.  Because she wasn't the only one.

And then there was my son, who had an actually semi-competent teacher this year, and when I could convince him to go to tutoring, he raised his grade from 56 to an 88.  Then... he stopped going to tutoring.  And when I got him back, his grade went up, but not as dramatically, and when I asked his teacher about it, she looked at me helplessly and said, "Mrs. J.  there's just so much I can teach him... and so much he doesn't know because... he never learned it."

He never learned it.  Because they didn't teach it to him in elementary school.

And you know, my son isn't alone.  

So, yes, I am relieved that school is over for three months, and I can spend this time again trying to get my son back up to speed.  And trying to make up for the lacks in what passes for an educational system in Texas.  

Ibuprofen, anyone?

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

My daughter went to her first prom this weekend, and it was one of those rites of passage that her father and I anticipated and tried to prepare ourselves for only to find those mental preparations were... well... woefully inadequate.

I tried not to make too big of a production of it, because I didn't want the Impertinent Daughter to freak out and hide.  After all, this was a big step for her, my wild tomboy daughter who doesn't think she's pretty (must be genetic, I swear).  First date, first time wearing makeup, first time wearing a dress and heels in public where it didn't involve a cosplay... all pretty huge steps for her.

So, she went to prom with a boy she's known since sixth grade, whom we will call "Toast Boy," because I crocheted a scarf for him that looked like joined pieces of toast with pats of butter on them.  He still wears it, I understand.

I had made an appointment at the salon we habitually go to for her to have her hair, face, and nails done (for which I am extremely grateful, because while I could have done her makeup, her hair would have probably broken me), so Saturday afternoon, that's where we went.

Now, salons in a small town are somewhat different from those in larger towns.  And I say this having grown up in Houston and having gone to small neighborhood salons.  You get to know the stylists, and some of the regulars, you chat and all, but you don't get to really know them.

In a small town, where everybody knows everybody, and knows everybody's business, it's a whole new ballgame.  You know the stylists because their kids go to school with yours, or played soccer with yours, or you know the same people.  Or you had to serve on the same parent volunteer groups at school.  Or your kids are in band together.   Or they live down the street from you.  So, you go in with your kid, and they already know what they're going to do to her and you'll hear them say things like, "I've been waiting to do your hair for prom for x number of years!!" or "I can't believe you're old enough to go to prom!  I gave you your first haircut when you were so small, you had to sit on two phone books just so I could reach you!  That was just last week, right?"

I heard a lot of that from the other girls getting their hair, nails, and makeup done, because, of course, small town, only one high school, of course the salons were packed with girls (and guys) getting ready for prom!  And a couple of the stylists, who I am shocked to now realize I have known for ten years, came over to chat with me and check on Miss Impertinent's progress.

What you need to know is this...

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

Was transformed into this...

(photo by Erin Hurd)

After we got home, her best friend's mom called, and they came by for photos, and this...

(photo by C. Jandrok)

became this...

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

Which is amazing.  Looking at them in that photo, you'd never have any clue they're both kick-ass soccer players who have played on co-ed teams and sent guys bigger than they are flying.

The look on the Husbandly One's face when we came home, by the way, was priceless.  I think in a lot of ways, he still sees the Impertinent Daughter at eight, with dirt smeared on one cheek and chocolate in the corners of her mouth, tangled hair and a big grin, ready for the next adventure.  Seeing her like this, though, was a major shock to the system, and I don't think he was ready for it.  Neither was I, really.  

Of course, I can't leave you with this... dignified photo of the girls, because really... it's just not them.  So, about ten seconds after the above photo was snapped, we got this...

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

Followed by a sisterly photobomb, courtesy of Super Goalie's younger sister...

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

And then it was time for Super Goalie to leave for dinner with her date, and the Impertinent Daughter to leave for dinner with her date and the group of friends they were going with.  And I got another shock.  Because this...

(photo by C. Jandrok)

Became this...

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

Of course, it later devolved into this...

(photo by B. Schaub)

Which shows my daughter and her friends have a propensity for dramatic gestures.  

Oh, and by the way, did I mention that my daughter actually had not one, but two dates to the prom?

(photo by Jo Jandrok)

They had an extra ticket, and can you believe, the Demon Lord Nevitz was actually not going to go???  Well, Miss Impertinent and Toast Boy had to fix that, so they promptly asked him to go, and here you see them, Demon Lord, Impertinence, and Toast, all ready to go to the prom.  The Three Amigos.  Or the Three Formal -Wearing-Teens of the Apocalypse (notice the formal skulls on the Impertinent One's wrist bag).    

Of course, they said the prom was boring (and I can imagine that it was, for them), and the high school should really worry if those three get it into their heads to take over next year's prom, because I am sure there would be Cards Against Humanity, actual danceable music that wasn't rap or country (apparently, the country music wasn't danceable, either) which may or may not include J-Pop and K-Pop, and decorations that don't consist of a box of popcorn and a movie clapper on each table.  There may even be some C4 involved, or zombies.  Maybe even pirates!  (She wanted to wear a pirate themed dress, but we didn't really have time to plan it this year).  I think if the Impertinent One had her way, it would be strictly cosplay, period.  

She'd make an awesome Black Widow, don't you think?

Anyhow, I think she did have some fun at least, and I can say that her father and I survived our first prom experience.  It was... challenging, and did require a margarita on my part.  Did I mention that the Husbandly One makes really good margaritas?

And that was our adventure with prom night!

Because that's the way my brain works...

So we're back after a weekend away camping, and there are things that I can't help but wonder as I walk around my house.

Like... how can there possibly be more dishes in the sink than when we left??  Because... I know there weren't that many dishes in there when we left.  What... did they breed?  CAN DISHES PROCREATE???

This might explain why, every time I think I'm actually done with the dishes, there are always more in the sink to do.  But it doesn't explain why I can't find a glass in the cabinet when I need water.

Apparently, they don't breed in the cabinet.  Water is required.

Hmmmm... disturbing...

The other thing I wonder is... why are my kids' socks always under the couch?  With the extra couch cushions?  And... is there a direct link between my dryer, where one sock always goes missing, and the area underneath my couch?  No, wait... the socks missing from the dryer are always clean... and the ones under the couch reek of Kid Pong.  So... no.

And what are the extra cushions doing under there, anyway?  Hanging out?

Why does the phone always ring when I either am up to my elbows in soapy water, or I'm cleaning the litter box?

And just where did Princess Leia get that dress she wore in the Ewok village in "Return of the Jedi?"  I mean, when she was packing for the trip to Endor, did she look at that dress and think, "Hmmmm, you know, that would be just perfect if I happen to end up in a tree village full of teddy bear people in suede!  Fabulous!!"

The world may never know....

Because I like to get their attention...

I'm at the dryer, pulling out dry towels and putting them in the basket when I hear the fridge door open.  And I know it's the Walking Stomach otherwise known as my son, so I immediately call out, "Leave the strawberries alone!  They're for lunches!"

"Not touching 'em!" my son shouts back as I hear crackling and rattling coming from the kitchen.

"Leave the blackberries alone!" I shout.

"Not touching 'em," he shouts back, sounding almost bored as more crackling and rattling is heard.

Just for grins, I shout, "And whatever you do, leave the squid tentacles alone!"

"Not touch... wait... WHAT??"  An outraged face pops up in the door to frown at me.

"Just checking to see if you were listening," I said with a grin.

Yep, still got it.

When Ketchup Meets Impertinent Force, Part 2

Do y'all remember The Centrifugal Ketchup Incident? You know, when the Impertinent Daughter was trying to get the ketchup from the bottom of the ketchup bottle so she could pour it out... and ended up splattering it across the ceiling, the floor, and the cat?

She did it again last night.

That's her, laughing herself silly (and being a little embarrassed, too) after splattering the kitchen and the dining room with ketchup. She was, once again, trying to get the ketchup from the bottom of the bottle to use on the Husbandly One's grilled burgers. She swears up and down that she sealed the top of the bottle. She SWEARS!!

As you can see, it clearly wasn't.

Once again, it's across the ceiling, and now makes an X with the splatter from 2010, which, while it was cleaned up, took off the popcorn ceiling in those spots.

*sigh*

She hit the paper towels...

And inside the cabinet. It's across the counter, across the dining room table, and in the far corner of the dining room, too. I'd show you those photos, but... they came out blurry, so... you'll just have to imagine it. At least she didn't get one of the cats this time!

And the lesson learned? JUST OPEN ANOTHER BOTTLE OF KETCHUP, SHEESH!!!

And sometimes, it goes better than you expect...

So, last Tuesday, I went to have a chat with the principal about the referral the Impossible Son got on Monday, in hopes of getting rid of it. Because it was so totally not deserved. And I admit, I was geared up for another battle, because... you just never know, right?

I've always gotten along with the woman who is currently principal. She was the tenth grade assistant principal at the high school last year, and I never had a problem with her. So I was pleased when she got the position of head principal at the junior high earlier this year. So... I was kind of dreading the idea of having to butt heads, you know?

Instead, it was probably the most reasonable conversation I've had with anyone in administration. We sat down and the first thing she said was, "I have a vague outline of what's been going on, but I know you pretty well, so... what happened??"

So, I filled her in, and she took notes and then looked up when I told her about Mr. Impossible being pulled from band and said, "Weren't you called?"

"No," I said and she frowned.

And when I mentioned that he had been pulled from P.E. on Friday to color a picture that frown got deeper and she said, "Wait... she pulled him on Friday, too?"

"Yes," I said.

"And she didn't call you then, either?"

"No."

When I mentioned that he'd been pulled from class on Wednesday, she sat up straight and said, "Just... how many times has Mrs. Picky pulled Mr. Impossible from class?"

"I understand this was a frequent occurrence," I said, keeping my temper under control, because I know Mrs. G. was just trying to establish the facts. "And I was never informed. Mrs. Picky has both my cell phone number, and my email address, and she never contacted me about pulling my son from classes."

"And he's been removed from her class for," and she looked down at the file, "a personality clash?"

"By the time Monday arrived," I said calmly, "it had gone way past personality clashes and straight on to mutual hostility and aggravation. In fact, I will go so far as to say it was plain straight out bullying on her part." And I went on to tell her about the circumstances on Monday and asked that the referral she'd written be removed.

"Oh, no problem," Mrs. G. said. "It shouldn't have been written in the first place. And I'll look at the Band-Aid incident, too. That should probably be removed as well. But the I.S.S. because of Nut-Check Thursday..."

"Oh, I have no problem with that one," I said, trying not to laugh at this point. "He deserved that one! And if anything, that one will teach him to pick his friends a little more carefully."

We laughed about that, and then chatted about a bullying problem that had come up for the Impossible Son, and I passed on what his grade level AP had told me, which was she was aware of it but could not intervene because "she needed my permission to intervene," which made Mrs. G.'s eyes nearly pop out.

"Uh, no," she said, very affronted. "If we see bullying, we have to intervene. We are required by both district policy and state law to intervene if we see bullying! She doesn't have to wait... I see I need to have a meeting with my AP's to discuss this and make sure they all understand what they're supposed to do!"

"Yes," I said, and then thanked her for her time and patience. What actions were taken away from this meeting? Well, she is going to be talking with Mrs. Picky about her actions regarding the Impossible Son, and the having a meeting with all her teachers to make sure they all understand that if a child needs to be pulled from another class to finish an assignment or for extra work, it is a sign there is a problem, and the parent must be informed. NO EXCEPTIONS.

I am totally cool with that.

She will also be removing the referral from Monday from the Impossible Son's record.

I am totally cool with that, too.

On an aside, as we were walking out, she said, "You know when I got back from a conference, the office ladies were passing around this check out slip, and laughing over it, and I wanted to see it so I read it and there was your name, and your son's, and then I saw the reason you'd checked him out was for a ... rescue mission. What was up with that??"

I laughed and said, "Well, I didn't think you'd approve if I wrote kidnapping, and I was rescuing him from Mrs. Picky, so...."

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked you!"

So, maybe the next two years won't be so bad after all? One can only hope!

UPDATE: The referral was removed from his record. Mrs. G. for the WIN!