Because what you say, and what I hear are two different things sometimes...

Last night, after a very satisfying fireworks show at the city park, the Husbandly One was trying to reset his brain into work mode. The kids, most especially the Impossible Son, were still sort of ramped up and not ready for bed, but THO certainly was!

I was noodling around on the computer, and when he came in, I could have sworn he said, "Gotta go to bed early, I got STORKS!!" Then he promptly left while my mouth fell open and my brain sort of flailed around in my head and I went, "Wait...WHAT???"

WTF, storks???

And I promptly lost it in a burst of hysterical laughter.

By the time he returned, I had calmed down somewhat, and I said, "You know, honey, I'm really sorry to hear you have storks. Sounds kind of painful, and really, instead of going to bed, I think you should go to the hospital!"

I must not have been as calm as I thought I was, because I had to repeat that a few times before he understood me. And then he stared at me and said, "What the hell are you talking about??" before he started laughing and said, "Oh, wait... that's what it sounded like I said, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah!" I said, wheezing at this point.

"Uh, well... what I said was gotta go to bed early, I gots to work, you know."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out," I said, shaking my head. "The hearing glitch strikes again."

He shook his head, laughing, and went to go fuss at the Impossible Son to turn the TV off and get ready for bed.

The way things are...

There are days when I don't mind my hearing difficulties... and there are days when I hate it with a passion. 

My hearing problem isn't mechanical.  It's not a fault in my ears, necessarily.  It's neurological, and really, there is no fix for that.  It's a glitch in my brain.  I mean, I hear just fine.  It's just that a lot of times, what I hear comes to me garbled.  

It's like this.  The Husbandly One will say something to me.  Like, "I am going to the store.  I am buying a loaf of bread.  I am buying a gallon of milk.  I am coming home."

Simple, right?

This is what I hear.  "I am going to the store.  I am buying a loaf of bread.  I am sliding in a wallow of silk.  I am coming home."

???

He'll repeat the entire thing to me, and I will continue to misunderstand the third sentence every time he repeats it, no matter how many times he repeats it.  What I have to do is read his lips, make him stop talking, repeat it to myself with the lip movements, and then finally understand he's telling me he's also going to buy a gallon of milk. 

I read lips a LOT.

Now, as you can imagine, this involves a great deal of frustration, for myself, and for those around me.  I repeat sentences back to people, not because I'm making fun of them, but because I'm trying to figure out what the hell they're saying.  Because I know a complete stranger didn't walk up to me and say, "Can you smell a beery sensation??"

More like, "Can you tell me the nearest gas station?"

Though the first sentence sounds a lot more fun.

Still, mostly my family and friends are very patient with me, and understanding.  They know immediately when I look like I'm about to laugh, when they didn't say anything funny, or panic, when they didn't say anything scary, that I didn't understand them, and they kindly repeat whatever they said for me, until I get it.  But sometimes... sometimes they lose patience with me, and oh, doesn't that hurt?

I can't help this glitch in my ears.  I wish I could.  I wish there was a magic bullet to cure it.  Hearing aids?  No, see, then I would just misunderstand you... LOUDER.  

Sometimes, I get so frustrated, I find a nice corner to hide in and have a good cry.  Or a bad cry.  Whatever.  Sometimes, I just... avoid everybody.  It's easier.  Sometimes, I wish everyone came with teleprompters glued to their foreheads so I could figure out what they're saying.

Want to know the real reason I don't watch tv anymore?  Do y'all have any idea how many characters speak with their backs to the cameras?  Oh, and then, there's loud music blaring over their words, so the garble gets even worse.  Subtitles are wonderful...except, you miss half the action, because you're busy reading the words at the bottom of the screen.  

I know, I'm whining.  It's just. some days are easier than others, and today is a really crummy day.  The Husbandly One lost patience with me, and when I bit my lip hard, trying not to cry, he snarled, "Oh, get over it!" at me.  He wasn't trying to be mean.  He was just... frustrated.  

And I got frustrated right back.  I had to leave the room, because I really, really didn't want to cry in front of him, and snapped, "Yes, I should get over it, because I should be used to people snapping at me because I can't understand them, right?"

No, not a good day at all.  

And I am a terribly sulky person sometimes.  After I'm over my mad, I'll come out and want to be friends again, but right now?  I'm going to pout and sulk, and just be generally unpleasant for a while.  

...sigh...