Dear Practical Sister,
YOUR parakeet is an anti-social, semi-suicidal, psychopath. She doesn't like people, she doesn't like other birds, and she has a thing about taunting predators ten times her size. I do not like your bird. In fact, my semi-tolerant dislike has now morphed into active hatred.
YOUR stupid bird taunted the cats most of the morning with her "Na-na-na-na-na, you can't GET me," chirp, shaking her tail feathers at them and just being generally... well... DUMB. And I kept them off her. But I had to take the kids to school, and in the rush to make sure they all remember their stuff, and to get them out the door AT THE SAME TIME, I wasn't going to stop and put her in the bathroom and close the door, though I may have to from now on. Because when I got home, her cage was on the floor, and I was treated to a cooperative venture between three cats who were working industriously to open the top of the cage.
The moment she saw me, she flew OUT the open door of the cage (which the cats hadn't noticed) and STRAIGHT AT THE CATS (which they DID notice).
The Impertinent Daughter would have said I should have just stood back and told you later that she died of natural causes. Because, of course, what is more natural than being killed by predators??
But I didn't. I rushed in to save your stupid, brainless, VICIOUS bird, and what did I get?
Blood, Bets. Lots and lots of blood. MY blood.
I do not mind losing a little blood in a good cause. This was not a good cause. Your bird BIT ME!!! She BROKE THE SKIN!! And I might need stitches!!! DAMN BIRD!!!!
I almost made a parakeet pancake. But I didn't. I won't squish YOUR bird. And I won't let the cats have her, if I can help it. But next time you have a pet you decide you can't keep? Don't call me. Really. Don't be surprised if you wake up one morning with a bird cage on your front door step, because I drove all the way up to North Texas to abandon it on your doorstep.
And in case I didn't mention it before???
I HATE YOUR DAMN BIRD!!!