Extreme Geekiness...

Yesterday, on the way home from a trip into San Marcos, the Impossible Son and I sang the Moosebutter Star Wars song at the top of our lungs all the way home.

It was awesome.

He's still recovering from chickenpox, so he had to accompany me in to San Marcos for a trip to Dr. Tummy to get samples of my acid reflux med while we wait for the drama over my prescription to get resolved. Who will win? InHumane Care, or the intrepid and determined Dr. Tummy, with assistance from Mr. W., the Small Town Pharmacist Who Could? Tune in next week for an update!!!

*laughs*

Well, yesterday was full of little trips. I took Mr. Impossible in for a followup with the doctor about his tests, yes to chickenpox, no to Lyme, and to check his pox out. Most of them are crusting, so he should be good to go back to school next week! Then the trip into San Marcos for the samples, and then a stop by his school to pick up his makeup work.

The trip home was a blast, actually! I mean, there were were, walking back to the car, him skipping along next to me while holding my hand and chattering on cheerfully about any and everything, and I have no idea why, but I just started randomly singing, "Nobody cares if you upset a droooooid, 'cause droids don't tear your arms out of sockeeeeet..." and he chimed in with, "I suggest a new straaaaategy, let the Woooookie win," and we both sang loudly and badly, "Because nobody caaaaares... if you upset a droooooooid!"

And yes, there were lots of other people in the parking lot, and yes, we got stared at, and no, we did not care at all!!

After that, it was a foregone conclusion that I would select the song to play on the CD in the car, and would hit repeat, so we could sing it over and over again on the drive home, complete with gestures and faces. I am sure the people on the freeway in San Marcos enjoyed our emoting, and I'm also sure the people at the light before heading down the state highway thought we'd lost our minds.

I especially enjoyed the Impossible Son's faces during the section of Luke whining. The pathos! The utter dejection! The extreme sulkiness!!

It made my heart swell with pride!

I love moments like that with my son. I don't often get to see his extremely silly side like that, and I have discovered that he has inherited my, and my dad's, extremely elastic face. He's got a pretty wacky sense of humor that I truly do appreciate, and is developing a wit as sharp as his sister's. Pretty soon, their verbal sparring is going to take a whole new level, and I'm going to find it harder and harder to out-geek them.

I look forward to it with great enthusiasm!

Because... nobody caaaaaaaares if you upset a drooooooooid!!

And I now present...

You have seen a warm Calcifer on my desk.

You have seen a warm Calcifer in my window.

And now, for your gratuitous entertainment, I now present to you...

... Calcifer in a warm scarf!!

See? Didn't that brighten your day?

The Quest for Water, a Feline Adventure...

Our cats are always on the search for the Freshest Water Available.

This has led to some interesting conflicts with their humans, as you can imagine. When the Triplicats were kittens, the water dish was more than sufficient for their needs. I refilled it every morning and every evening, and all was well in their world.

However, as they got older, somehow... this did not satisfy any longer.

They started knocking the water dish around, as if they had to, I don't know, rough it up a bit before they could drink it. Nothing like freshly jostled water, you know? Only problem was, it tended to make the floor wet, and thus we were always getting our socks wet when we stepped in it, or the ballistic missile that is the Impossible Son would hit it and slip during one of his circuits of the house, resulting in howls of pain and indignation.

So, I started cleaning and refilling their water dish more frequently. I started with three times a day. Then four. Then five. Then I got to where I was pretty much refilling the water dish every time I walked by it.

It wasn't enough.

Then the cats started noticing that we drink water, too. In containers. Containers that we often set on tables and counters. Containers that the younger two tended to forget and leave sitting on tables, counters, and occasionally, the floor.

That's when we started holding our glasses in our hands almost constantly, because the moment you set the thing down, a cat would be there like a shot, either trying to shove their whole head into the glass to lap at the water, or dipping a paw in to drink daintily from their toes.

Until Yuki got too frustrated to do it that way and started knocking the glasses over so she could lap it straight from the table, or the floor.

And if the glass didn't have water in it, they'd knock it over just to be spiteful.

Damn cats.

Then Yuki started hanging around my feet when I washed dishes. She could hear me turning the water on. It... tantalized her. It sounded so... splashy, so liquid, so... fresh... And one day, she finally jumped up on the counter, and saw the water pouring from the faucet and unable to resist, she jumped into the dry side of the sink and tried to lap from the stream of water pouring down.

HOT!! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!

She didn't try that again for a while, though she would sit on the counter and watch me wash dishes with a disgruntled look on her face. And pretty soon, Calcifer and Muta joined her. It made me kind of paranoid, to tell you the truth, having three cats in various places on the counter, all eyes fixed resentfully on me while I played (in their view) with water too hot for them to drink! Even washing their water dish out while they were watching and refilling it and putting it back in its spot didn't help.

It didn't take Yuki long to discover that we use cold water when we brush our teeth.

Next thing we know, we're jockeying for space to spit the toothpaste out with a cat determined to get to the faucet and drink. I swear they were all but laying in the sink with their mouths open like a college kid on a bar, waiting for an open mouth tequila shot.

You'd think we never gave the damn cats any water!

You couldn't even wash your hands without three cats suddenly leaping up to the counter and crowding you out for a shot at the faucet! There was a time when they all had toothpaste spots on their heads from them slipping into the sink just as we were spitting out!

I drew the line when Muta started jumping into the shower with me. He won't let me bathe him, but he would jump in the shower to sit between my feet and bat at the water drops. He's a huge cat, with impressive claws. I do not relish the thought of trying to explain to an emergency room doctor how and why my legs got sliced up by my cat. "Well, you see, Doc, it was like this..."

No thanks.

So... we bought a cat water fountain and that solved our problem for about... two and a half years. They loved the cat water fountain. It circulated the water through a pump that took it through a charcoal filter, and then spilled it back out into a bowl where it went right back through the cycle. The cats drank very happily from the spill, and all was peaceful in Burrow-land.

Until Calcifer started the pawing thing.

*sigh*

First, he simply pawed at the floor. He would make scratching motions for a minute, then circle the fountain until he'd gotten it and himself at juuuuuust the right angle... and then he'd drink.

It was weird, but mostly harmless.

Until he started putting his paw in the fountain's bowl.

He didn't paw the water... yet. He simply put his paw in and then licked it, then put his paw in, then licked it, until he was satisfied and then... he'd circle the fountain until he'd gotten it and himself at juuuuuust the right angle... and then he'd drink.

This meant cleaning the bowl almost every day because... everything on his paw got into the water and thus would clog up the filter. But okay, fine, I did that.

Until Cal started pawing the water and the bowl, which resulted in water sloshing everywhere, and then the fountain wouldn't have enough water in it and the motor would start growling and grinding and I'd have to clean it and refill it and mop up the water that was all over the floor. The wood floor.

And then Yuki started doing it, too. And since she pawed even more energetically than Cal, this meant that water was spread even further around the floor, and there was the added bonus of the fountain sometimes becoming unplugged. Which would lead to them pawing the water even more enthusiastically, because now it wasn't being refreshed like it had been before, and... AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!

So... I resurrected Max's old water bowl. Max was the Labrador Retriever who is responsible for our having cats in the first place. The Husbandly One and I got him right after we got married, and had him for eleven wonderful, crazy years before we lost him to skin cancer. His water bowl was huge, because he was a big dog living in a hot climate and he drank insane amounts of water which he shared with his cats very lovingly. Yes, you read that right. They were his cats.

Anyway, I got out his old water bowl and filled it ... and put it in the bathtub. Why? Because I was tired of mopping up water. If the water bowl is in the bathtub, the cats can paw and slosh to their heart's content, and it won't hurt anything but their dignity. If they start acting like they're dying for water, I pour it out, and simply turn on the faucet and refill it. If someone wants to take a bath, they take the water bowl out of the tub and set it on the tile floor, which is easily mopped up. When they're done, the bowl goes back in the tub, or they face the Wrath of Mama.

I'm fine with it. At last, I can brush my teeth without fighting a cat for the faucet!

Just thought you should know...

The Impertinent Daughter has informed me that the Impossible Son is NOT, I repeat, NOT her Knight in Shiny Armor.

No.

He is her Knight of Ni.

You have all been informed.

WANT!!

OMG, I am a geek and a nerd because... I want THIS...



The Camera Lens Mug at the Photojojo Store!

I have a Tumblr account, LunchNotes from Mom that I'm working on, just putting up the lunch notes I put in the kids' and THO's lunches (it still needs a LOT of work), and I was noodling around when I saw that mug and found myself with a serious case of nerdy want.

*dies*

It's ridiculously expensive, but so realistic looking!! How awesome would it be to bring this to, say, a soccer game filled with hot chocolate or tea and blow people's minds when, instead of mounting it on my camera, I take a sip from it!!

Gosh, I'm such a nerd!!

And don't you know I would always be half in horror when it needed washing that I was putting my real zoom lens in the sink?? Instead of the mug??

Want!! Want!!

Yes, I am a sad, sad, materialistic little greedy thing...

want, want, want, want...

*stifled laughter*

My son just went running through the house in a wig and a skirt, shouting, "WOOOOOO!! I'm a FREE MAN!!!"

It's The Little Things...

This is the kind of banter that goes on between myself and the Impertinent One. This is the kind of skewed humor we have.

So, I'm driving her to school while the Impossible Son is trying to wake up in the back seat. The radio is on, and I'm complaining about how much my head hurts ("It feels like someone's been scrubbing the inside of my skull with a Brillo pad, for reals!" "Aw, poor Mom!"), and we've just started frantically stabbing at the radio buttons because the station we were listening to has decided to start TALKING and we want MUSIC!! The big, giant, county-sized SUV in front of us starts weaving, and we slow down. Now, it's early, we're on a very straight, non-busy street, yet this person is driving as if there are... elephants... sitting at intervals on the side of the road. Miss Priss and I look at each other and she says, "Um... maybe they're avoiding the bumps??"

Except... this road is flat, no bumps yet.

"I suspect the person in front of us is experiencing an alternate reality at the moment, honey," I said, and then I grin.

She sees it and says, "Uh-oh."

"Perhaps they're avoiding Orcs," I say.

She blinks, then says, "Well, you know, hitting Orcs with your car is the worst. I mean, the mess it makes."

"Yeah," I said. "All over your hood, your tires, it's disgusting!"

"Entrails everywhere!" she says, and snorts, trying not to laugh. "And when it dries, it's like, virtually impossible to get off, it ruins your paintjob..."

"And then there's the smell," I said, my face hurting because I'm struggling not to crack a big grin.

"You practically have to use a hammer and chisel to get them off," she offers. "Clang, clang, clang!!"

"Yeah, and man, you have to hope you don't crack your windshield."

"I KNOW!" she says. "And then, the arms get tangled in the windshield wipers every single time!! It takes forever to get them out!! You turn them on and it's like your car is waving ugly arms at people..."

"True," I said, "But you know what the worst part is?"

"What?" she asked breathlessly, eyes sparkling because she knows it's coming.

I look at her, struggling not to laugh, and manage to keep my face straight, but just barely. "The squealing."

She died laughing. "Good one, Mom!!"

The the Impossible Son, finally waking up from the back seat, chirps, "What Orcs??"

I love my kids!!!

If You Give A Kid A Camera...

This is what happens when you give your child a digital camera for Christmas






The Impossible Son... a self portrait, thanks to Fisher-Price's Kid Tough Digital Camera!

Um...

You know, every time I make Kool-Aid for my kids, I suddenly remember that some twenty odd years ago, when I was in my late teens, early twenties, we used to mix Kool-Aid with conditioner to color our hair. Because you couldn't go out and buy green or purple hair dye. You had to make it yourself.

And my kids are drinking this.

O_o!!!

We are starving... STARVING!!!

Cats are sometimes the most pathetic creatures on the planet, especially male cats.

I took Miss Yuki in to be spayed today (no, no, I am done with having a herd of cats. Three are just fine, thank you, and I refuse to lose another female to uterine cancer!). This meant no food after 10 pm last night, which mean picking up the food bowls and water dish at 9.

I'd fed them at 8:30, so I figured hey, no problem.

*snort*

When I picked up their dishes, Calcifer and Muta especially were all like, "Hey, wait, what?? You're picking up the food?? You're not putting more in them? What is this??"

Now, dogs are different. When you pick up a dog's food and water, they're like, "hey, what? Wait a minute..." then they look at you mournfully and go, "well... okay... fine. If you insist. You're the master, and I really, really don't understand why you're doing this but... okay." Then they go lay down in a huff and stare at you mournfully, occasionally going to where their food dish was and look around hopefully, as if it will all rematerialize, then return sadly to where they can stare at you mournfully some more. And that's it. You might get a few hopeful bounces with a lot of tail wagging every time you go to the kitchen, but eventually, they figure out it ain't gonna happen, and stop.

Cats, though, are more... proactive.

Every time you get up, whether it's to go to the kitchen, to the bedroom, the bathroom, or just to scratch your butt is met with cats leaping to attention and prowling around your feet, complaining noisily about their mistreatment. "We're STARVING!! We're DYING!! Can't you see the flesh just MELTING OFF OUR BONES??? We're little kitty-cat SKELETONS!! Oh, you cruel human, how can you do this to us???"

You go in the kitchen, and they are there, swarming your feet, trying to force you to head to the cabinet where the food is, crying and meowing pathetically the entire time in a cat chorale of gastronomic distress. "Oh, please, please, PLEASE!! We are DYING!! You MUST feed us before we whither away, our bodies shriveling into little dried husks!! You will feel MOST GUILTY when we die of hunger! Who will warm your feet? Who will knock over your water glass? WHO WILL LEAVE WHITE HAIR ALL OVER YOUR BLACK SWEATER??"

I can't tell you how many times I was awakened during the night with the intense feeling I was being... stared at, and opened my eyes to see a feline nose inches from mine. I could just hear the kitty hypnosis.

FEED ME, WENCH... FEED ME... FEED ME... YOU WILL GET UP NOW AND FEEEEEEED MEEEEEE...

The Husbandly One got up for a late night piss, and I heard muffled cursing from the bathroom, then he said, "Don't let Calcifer get in the bed!"

That was enough to get me up, because I had a feeling what had happened. I grabbed a towel and threw it over the cat as he ran out of the bathroom. Yep, he jumped up on the toilet seat at the wrong time, all while meowing piteously at THO about his situation. Interrupted in mid-yowl, pretty much.

Getting up for any reason, to answer a call of nature, or a call of child, was complicated by felines winding between our feet and trying to herd us to the kitchen, all while meowing in minor thirds about their mistreatment. And having to listen to it all morning long while trying to eat breakfast, trying to make lunch for the kids, trying to just walk through the house without falling... it's a good thing I like cats!

So, when I got back from dropping the kids off at school, and Miss Yuki off at the vet's, I fully expected two very hungry and talkative felines at the door to drag me to the kitchen.

Nope.

I walk in. "Hey, who's hungry?"

Nothing.

Now, if it had been dogs, I would have been met with noisy, "Yay, food!!" barks, much tail wagging, jumping around, and other demonstrations of canine joy.

I walked into the kitchen to find two feline corpses draped dramatically over the dishwasher door and the floor. Calcifer barely moved his head. "Sorry... can't talk... too weak... so hungry... the end... isn't far... I loved you... goodbye..."

*insert eye-roll here*

I got out the food dishes and set them on the floor. Muta opened one eye. "Oh... now you're going to feed us... when it's... too late. Ah... the cruelty of a she such as you... ah... goodbye, cruel world."

*snort*

I poured food into the dishes and was nearly bowled over by two feline bodies flying over my shoulders. They pretty much just shoved their entire faces into the bowls and inhaled the food. Geez, maybe you should chew first??

They are now pretty much laying about and sneering at me. "Yes, you finally fed us, but we are not speaking to you, because you have abused us by starving us! So, just for that, we will not warm your pretty little toes as you type, nor will we try to lay on your keyboard. HA!! TAKE THAT!!"

Oh, yes, I am well and duly punished. *snorts* Just wait until it's THEIR turn!!

Muuuah-hahahahahahahahaha!!!